Come on girls lets name and shame on this topic

I just wrote a long post but decided i should delete it as my friend didnt know i was writing and basically i have no right to tell her story for her.

all i will say is that she has been left devestated by the man who was her fiance. he did the worst thing to her.

his name is murat and he works in one of the chineese restaurants (dont know the name sorry). he looks a bit like tom cruise (apparently).
be careful girls. dont let this one fool you

All very well "naming and shaming" but how well did your friend actually know this Murat? I'm afraid that on holiday people really let down their guard.

Sometimes we have to look from the other side maybe this guy got so caught up in the organisation of the engagement etc he didn't dare say stop til it was too late. Or as happened to a friend of mine- he bcame a "trophy husband" poor bloke didn't stand a chance once this woman set her sights on him!!

At the end of the day I have come across far more English Love Rats.....

She knew him well enough (or so she thought) well enough to accept his proposal at least.
She had spent a total of 12 weeks actually with him in gumbet and then they would speak on the internet/webcam almost every night.
she is not a naive girl. but she was fooled. she has found out that he was doing the dirty on her.
i do know that it took a lot of effort from him to get her to trust him in the first place as she has heard the stories and witnessed rat behaviour before. she has been going to turkey since she was a little girl. so she knows what to expect. and she did not let her guard down... or act differently than she would with any british guy. and she certainly didnt see him as a trophy... why would she? (that one baffled me sorry)

and yes, there are lots of english love rats out there... infact they are all over the world. But, she was ratted on by a turk and this thread is asking about turkish rats.

like i said, im not going to tell her story for her. its not my buisness to do that. if she wants to tell it then im sure she will. i am just warning girls about this particular rat and letting them know he is not boyfriend material and not to be fooled by him.
what he did to my friend is absolutly sickening. and thats all im saying on the matter.

I have seen it happen so many times, sometimes girls are with someone for several year and yet behind her back he is seeing other girls. There are some good guys out there but most of them in Gumbet are just out for what they can get and unfortunately some of them are very good at playing their game, which is why even girls who aren't stupid get caught out.

There are also a lot of very naive girls too and a lot of slappers so what do you expect from the guys in those cases. It's just a shame when decent girls get hurt.

I'm afraid I agree with Adryath - the nice girls always seem to get hurt. I'm not sure you understood my last post. I think that I was trying to say what Adryath put much better - Thank you and also there's often 2 sides to every story.

I HAVE seen women "go" for Turkish guys just to say they have a Turkish guy. I'm not suggesting your friend did this at all, but I've seen it happen so many times and the guy end up really hurt. But hey how would we feel if there was a website naming and shaming English bitches?.....

I think I'm trying to stop this turning into a witch hunt that's all.

I agree too.
Its a shame. I dont think this guy realises (or he doesnt care) just how much he hurt her. Everyone they knew thought they would be together forever as they were a very good match. Yet, he left her when she needed him the most using a really lame excuse for doing so. Ohh and it turns out that he was with someone else just 2 days later so he couldnt have thought as much for her as he made out.

I can safetly assure you that my friend is not one of those girls who wanted him just because he was turkish. Im not saying that you were saying she was. Just saying as i know her and know she is not a bit like that.

She is relieved its over with him. Shes glad she found out about him when she did rather than further down the line when they are married and its too late.

There is a lot more to this story that makes him a rat. I just am not in the position to tell it as its not my buisness and she only wants people close to her to know about it as it is very bad and she doesnt want the 'witch hunt' as you say. She doesnt want to destroy him as she is not as low as he is.. She is just hurt by what he has done and the way he has acted and wants to warn other girls that even the ones who seem good are not always what they make out to be and wants girls to be more aware of these men.

She and I are not saying that all Turkish men are bad. Just 99% of them in the resorts. If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Your poor friend must be really devastated to have been so hoodwinked by this guy. I think that you are right highlighting the general problems that arise about getting involved with any man - at least in this country there are ways and means of checking someone out and also gut feelings work within your own culture.

I think there are several ways of sussing out whether someone is not what they seem the first being to find out where they want to live. My guy is adamant that he doesn't want to leave Turkey - quite a good sign. He has also told me one or two of the tricks the workers in bars/restaurants etc use to a) get a shag and b)ensure you use their business. This is generally endorsed by their bosses.

One of their ploys is as you arrive maybe a group of four girls each will be singled out as special by one of the guys. They'll then woo the girl/s to their heart's content to part you from your spending money and get a bit of the other!! This will be the pattern for the length of the holiday - they'll even introduce you to people as "my girlfriend from England" or sometimes they'll imply that marriage is on the cards so the other people spend maybe more on drinks for the "happy couple" etc

The other little scam is to hone in on either the older one in the group or possibly the least attractive and make her feel very special. I've had this done to me when out with my daughters. I let them try their hardest for a while then explain a) I can understand what they're saying in Turkish to their mates and I know how the system works and c) my guy will be along for a chat later!!

Don't ever leave a place with the promise from the staff that you can pay tomorrow - that ensures you go back!! And don't let anyone make you feel guilty because you're not eating/drinking at their place and "they've been so good to you......"etc

I think being aware of these 2 scams will help us women play them at their own game.

But I do want to emphasise that a lot of women misunderstand the attention given - not your friend particularly. I think she's learnt to read the signs now. Will she ever venture back to Turkey poor girl? I wouldn't blame her if she didn't but I think she should just for her own self esteem.

Hi Clare.
i completely understand what your saying. I know the tricks and so does my friend. She knew of all the scams and looked out for them within him. however, he did not show any signs. my friend has been in turkey a good number of times since she was a child. about 16 or so times i believe. she has seen sop many women go through hell with these men and didnt ever want herself to be in the same situation. she has never really trusted turks at all. she goes on holiday and has a giggle, lets them try thier luck but never gives into them. just like myself. itss just a bit of harmless fun at the end of the day and as she always knew what they say is 99% of the time a load of bullsh*t.
However, this guy was totally different. he had morals (or so it seemed). she didnt trust him at first but over time he seemed so genuine and she let him in (it took time though). he never used a sales pitch or tried to get her to use his restaurant. never asked for money or any of the usual. he paid to stay at the hotels with her. he paid for the engagement party etc. asked her to go and live with him in turkey.
like i said, these things dont make him a rat. its the thing he did which i cant speak about. out of respect for her. if she wants to talk of it, im sure she will. i just wish i could say something or do something to help her heal.
she doesnt want a witch hunt. she will say herself that he was a lovely man when they were together. though he did get his priorities wrong at times. but, judging on the thing he has done, he is not boyfriend material and she just wants girls to know not to be fooled. he was a very clever rat. had her fooled and she deffinatly is not a fool.

she is going back next month to turkey. it was booked before they broke up. she is staying at the opposite side of the resort from where he works and hopes she wont bump into him. she has lots of friends in gumbet (english and turkish) who she will spend all her time with. she says that if she does run into him she will hold her head up high and walk away. she is the better person in this and knows she is worth more.
she wont return next year. she is making this trip her final farewel to turkey. she may come back one day, but not to the agean coast. there are too many bad memories for her there now. and she wil never date another turk as long as she lives. he has put her off. she thought she knew all the tricks. yet, this one was too clever and she ended up broken hearted. however, she has learned from him and now knows te signs of this particular rat. she sees it as a learning experience.

I actually cant believe how strong she has been. she has cried herself to sleep over it, picked herself up and moved on with her life. she has just met someone british. she thought to herself if her ex can move on why cant she. it is hard for her and will take a long time for her to fully get over this experience, but im soo proud of her and how far shes come since it ended.

Hi

Lets hope this thread saves a few women from similar heartbreak.

I know you don't want your friend to know you've spoken of her situation but if you do tell her how brave I think she is going back so soon. I know I can't even be in the same town as one or two of my exes.

Makes me wonder what he sought to gain from all this....

I'm out there in October so if I see a girl walking tall holding her head high I'll know where to look for the rat. I must admit I'm wondering if I know him....

Time will heal - honestly. She must hurt so badly but maybe the holiday will help her kill anything dead. I know when my husband left actually seeing him helped me be angry rather than grizzly. And at the end of the day she will learn how much better than him she is. Easy to say, but these things do make you a stronger person.


If I see a Tom Cruise look a like in a Chinese I'll know who to stamp on!!

hiya clare.
i hope it helps girls too.
my friend does now know that i have spoken about it and she is happy for me to do so as she wants to help girls realise that not all is as it seems with these men (or 99% of them anyhow).
when in october will you be there? ill ask her if she wants me to pass on her email if ya like. maybe you could meet up for a few drinks. she may decide to tell you what he did, but i know she doesnt want it on the net.

if i ever saw him i would squash him too. ive heard ppl refer to him as looking like christian ronaldo, but my friend is adement he looks like a young tom cruise lol.

he is telling people in the resort lies about her which really upsets her and if im honest it upsets me too. he has been telling people that she was insanely jelous. i can tell you she hasnt got a jelous bone in her body. he works as a doorman and obvipusly his job is to attract attention from women to get them into the restaurant. when i asked her how she felt about it she would just say, 'hes coming home with me so what does it matter? its his job, its what hes paid to do'.
lord knows what else he is telling people.
he is just trying to put the blame on her to get people to feel sorry for him. and to get people to dislike my friend without meeting her ot seems. but, she is not like that. she doesnt want to ruin him or the restaurant where he works. which is why she has only told a few select people about what he did to her.
personally if it was me, i would tell the world what he did and ruin him. but my friend is peaceful and will do anything to keep the peace.

she just wants to enjoy her holiday. she is very nervous about going, but decided to not let him get to her.
she has been so brave.

Hi there

I'm hopefully going out the 8th October for two weeks. I understand that she doesn't want this spread all over the net.... But does want to warn others.

This is so sad as most of the guys I know are really honest - well don't go as far as getting engaged anyway!!!

Hopefully even if I don't meet your friend I can at least help quash some of the rumours amongst those that I know. I think the problem is going to be that he got in there first with these rumours and it could end up being seen as tit for tat.

I'm not stopping in Gumbet but will be visiting friends there - I'm staying in Turgutreis but will probably hire a car so popping in and out of Gumbet won't be a problem.

Is your friend going away with anyone else?

My daughter is out there at the moment - I'll warn her of this guy although she probably won't fall for anything - she's a hard cookie - but her friends are a little more naive. I think he needs playing at his own game. I could tell you what friends and I did to a (I think) similar English rat but you need a lot of guts to do it!!

I'd happily meet up and chat with your friend. Just wondering if there's anyway of messaging without either of our email addys appearing too publicly.

hiya
well i think u just sussed the private messeging thing lol.

yeah shes going alone. but luckily for her she has a very good friend from istanbul who is going to go see her there and be her 'bodyguard' for a week. shes meeting up with quite a few people there that shes met over the years and also from online.

i will let her know your email. i am sure she will be in touch. she loves meeting new people.

do warn your daughter and her friends about him. like i say he is extremely clever. he could manage to crack the tough nuts like he did my friend.

i found out the restaurant. its called LOTUS. and he used to work at ALOHA.

Just recently returned from Gumbet where I met a really nice Turkish guy he took me out etc etc and has been textin me since I got back which is cool but im not falling for anything. My friends have just gone back and have invited me out 4 another week and im going hell who wouldn't !!!

I did let him know as a) didn't want to suprise him and didn;t want him think i was going back for him!!

He was very pleased but then did a very silly thing and asked for some gifts .... which he ain't gonna get !

I must admit I did laugh out loud at the cheek !!!!

Just watch out. If he asks for a moile phone or claims he needs money because his cousin has had a car accident or his mother has to go for a heat operation, run a mile

It all starts with a present form England and ends up with him asking you to buy him a house

Depends on the present asked for!! You could always take the receipt!!!

They're not all bad and sometimes the woman's response isn't helpful nor is the cultural/language translation issues....like saying 'I miss you' being understood to be a normal way to say 'bye' but being translated by English girls as 'he sooooo likes me!' and 'please come back next year, I will see you' = he wants to see me rather than he wants to encourage return customers!

That said it doesn't help the rep when the guys say 'i've got a girlfriend' and the girl says 'it doesn't matter, it's just a bit of fun'. Do as would be done to you is all I can say and keep your head screwed on! They are not all bad.

You're right, they aren't ALL bad, after all I married one

hey ashley....

did u get burned in gumbet n not wit d sun????
me too...omg

talk to me

lol ali xx

Hi Lorna etc and Aydrath

I do agree they're not all bad and no worse than you'd meet any Saturday night on a high Street in the UK!! But I must admit there are the element that see the main chance and grab it. Also anyone can "love" anyone for a holiday - all that sun, attention etc. I see it all the time.


I agree about the language/cultural divide - and misunderstandings.


But remember the Turkish guys end up being used by women as well. Many friends have had their fingers burned by British women. One poor guy I knew ended up being treated like a "show and tell" object by his English wife; another tried to turn her Turkish man into an English man - at the end of the day I think there's good and bad as in any society.

I've been with my Turk now for 5 years and he has NEVER asked for a thing - but I still worry (occasionally - very occasionally lol) because once a suspision has been planted...... We're getting married but I've stalled twice now - surely if he was only after one thing (visa, money) he'd have moved on by now!!!!

A apologise if I upset those that have had their fingers burnt - but there's always 2 sides.


Gumbets main girl - i've chatted with your friend about her experience and boy what a rat!!! She's had a very lucky escape. He'd be a low life whatever nationality he was.